Recently I received a request to write about my ideas on dating. Some people might say that my views on dating and relationships are radical. Honestly, I hope that they are. I long for them to be counter cultural in every sense. Sorry this one is so long!!!
First, let me give the three main steps in the pursuing of a relationship (alot of this stems from Beltway)
1. Intentional friendship -- This is where it all starts. In this stage the man of the relationship asks the female to enter into intentional friendship. In this stage the two involved are more than friends but are not a couple. There is public one-on-one but not private one-on-one. In this stage there is zero physical attachment. The point of this phase is to get to know the person without drawing out either persons heart. You have multiple people praying into the relationship and listening to the Lord on their behalf.
2. Exclusive dating -- You move into exclusive dating only when you are ready for marriage. Do not enter into it if you are not prepared to commit. I think this is the point where the man asks the woman's father for permission. This is a point of honor. How valuable would it be to know that the man dating his daughter asked for permission before entering into dating. He didn't draw her heart out on any level until he had the permission of her father.
3. Marriage -- pretty self explanatory; however, I think the man should ask the father's permission at this stage as well.
Dating is all about being above reproach. Romans 12:10 says, "love one another with brotherly affection. out do one another in showing honor." We should be seeking to OUT DO one another in showing honor.
I also believe in purity. Our dating should launch us further into purity and being above reproach. we are called to not only be pure physically but also mentally and spiritually. I believe in abstaining from the act of sex until marriage. Sex was created to be the most precious and valuable gift that we can give to another.
I also believe that we should even go as far as abstaining from kissing. Here is what we must ask ourselves, when has kissing ever enhanced the purity of a relationship? We were CREATED sexual beings. It is not sinful it is just the way God made us. Our culture has lied to us and made us feel guilty for longing for the opposite sex but in reality that is the way we were created. So, physiologically we are not designed to stop once you begin kissing. Honestly, Once the door is opened, we were CREATED to continue until a baby comes into play. Why would we engage in kissing before marriage when we were not created to stop. We are essentially torturing ourselves. We are trying to deny the natural process our body was made to complete.
Also, kissing opens up an emotional connection. I do not want to let any man enter and share that emotional connection with me unless he is my husband. When we kiss someone we are giving them access to a part of our hearts that only our significant other should get. I do not want to deny my future husband a part of my heart.
Women -- We were made to be adored by our husbands. Make sure you date someone who adores you.
Men -- your woman should play the role of intercessor. She should verbally encourage you, not only in private, but in front of other people.
I also think that community is a vital part of dating. Tell your community what is gong on, ALWAYS. This is just another way to live above reproach. Men you need to have a circle of men surrounding you in prayer as you pursue relationships, same goes for women. Without community it is incredibly easy to fall and loose track of the father's heart for purity.
On a personal level, I have never had a boyfriend. My boyfriend is Jesus. He is insanely jealous and consumes all of my time. :) For a long time I struggled with the idea of singleness. I felt like i was an outcast or loser because i have never had a boyfriend. This is a lie of the enemy.
For the past year or so I have felt like the Lord has said to me, "My beloved, you are mine." I have felt a call on my life to share the truth behind dating and relationships. I feel like the Lord has said to me, "walk with me faithfully and you will have a timeless love story. I want your first boyfriend to be your last." How beautifully poetic. I want to wait on the Lord for my future man because i want my first boyfriend to be my last.
Friends, I have seen this model of dating work. People are walking in the truths and purity of dating and it is one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen. In our culture, we let the world and society introduce and instruct young people on sex and dating. STOP IT!!! Christians should be teaching the world about sex not letting the world teach us. The reality is that young people are going to search for answers. My prayer is that Christians everywhere step up and start being the ones to provide answers.
BE RADICAL!!!
Lots of Love,
Katy
"You are altogether beautiful my love; there is no flaw in you." -- Song of Solomon 4:7
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