Recently I received a request to write about my ideas on dating. Some people might say that my views on dating and relationships are radical. Honestly, I hope that they are. I long for them to be counter cultural in every sense. Sorry this one is so long!!!
First, let me give the three main steps in the pursuing of a relationship (alot of this stems from Beltway)
1. Intentional friendship -- This is where it all starts. In this stage the man of the relationship asks the female to enter into intentional friendship. In this stage the two involved are more than friends but are not a couple. There is public one-on-one but not private one-on-one. In this stage there is zero physical attachment. The point of this phase is to get to know the person without drawing out either persons heart. You have multiple people praying into the relationship and listening to the Lord on their behalf.
2. Exclusive dating -- You move into exclusive dating only when you are ready for marriage. Do not enter into it if you are not prepared to commit. I think this is the point where the man asks the woman's father for permission. This is a point of honor. How valuable would it be to know that the man dating his daughter asked for permission before entering into dating. He didn't draw her heart out on any level until he had the permission of her father.
3. Marriage -- pretty self explanatory; however, I think the man should ask the father's permission at this stage as well.
Dating is all about being above reproach. Romans 12:10 says, "love one another with brotherly affection. out do one another in showing honor." We should be seeking to OUT DO one another in showing honor.
I also believe in purity. Our dating should launch us further into purity and being above reproach. we are called to not only be pure physically but also mentally and spiritually. I believe in abstaining from the act of sex until marriage. Sex was created to be the most precious and valuable gift that we can give to another.
I also believe that we should even go as far as abstaining from kissing. Here is what we must ask ourselves, when has kissing ever enhanced the purity of a relationship? We were CREATED sexual beings. It is not sinful it is just the way God made us. Our culture has lied to us and made us feel guilty for longing for the opposite sex but in reality that is the way we were created. So, physiologically we are not designed to stop once you begin kissing. Honestly, Once the door is opened, we were CREATED to continue until a baby comes into play. Why would we engage in kissing before marriage when we were not created to stop. We are essentially torturing ourselves. We are trying to deny the natural process our body was made to complete.
Also, kissing opens up an emotional connection. I do not want to let any man enter and share that emotional connection with me unless he is my husband. When we kiss someone we are giving them access to a part of our hearts that only our significant other should get. I do not want to deny my future husband a part of my heart.
Women -- We were made to be adored by our husbands. Make sure you date someone who adores you.
Men -- your woman should play the role of intercessor. She should verbally encourage you, not only in private, but in front of other people.
I also think that community is a vital part of dating. Tell your community what is gong on, ALWAYS. This is just another way to live above reproach. Men you need to have a circle of men surrounding you in prayer as you pursue relationships, same goes for women. Without community it is incredibly easy to fall and loose track of the father's heart for purity.
On a personal level, I have never had a boyfriend. My boyfriend is Jesus. He is insanely jealous and consumes all of my time. :) For a long time I struggled with the idea of singleness. I felt like i was an outcast or loser because i have never had a boyfriend. This is a lie of the enemy.
For the past year or so I have felt like the Lord has said to me, "My beloved, you are mine." I have felt a call on my life to share the truth behind dating and relationships. I feel like the Lord has said to me, "walk with me faithfully and you will have a timeless love story. I want your first boyfriend to be your last." How beautifully poetic. I want to wait on the Lord for my future man because i want my first boyfriend to be my last.
Friends, I have seen this model of dating work. People are walking in the truths and purity of dating and it is one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen. In our culture, we let the world and society introduce and instruct young people on sex and dating. STOP IT!!! Christians should be teaching the world about sex not letting the world teach us. The reality is that young people are going to search for answers. My prayer is that Christians everywhere step up and start being the ones to provide answers.
BE RADICAL!!!
Lots of Love,
Katy
"You are altogether beautiful my love; there is no flaw in you." -- Song of Solomon 4:7
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
My Soul Sings ... Shabach
PREFACE: This blog might freak out some of my fellow traditionalists.
Recently I have experienced incredible break through in worship. As many of you know I was raised Lutheran. This means that, for me, worship entailed sitting in pews (never the front row) and singing from a hymnal while the organ and handbells guided us along. There was no raising of the hands, crying out to god, praying to god in groups, etc. Am I right?
Recently, I have learned some new things about worship through Discipleship school. There is a difference between worship and praise. Praise is upwards facing, adoration of God, and a celebration. Worship is downward, reverent, and submission to God. I think that my Lutheran upbringing taught me how to worship. They taught me the value in being reverent and submissive to God our heavenly father. I am so thankful for this.
However, like many I found myself caught up in religion. I was a slave to my church. I placed my identity in religion not my heavenly father. During D-school a young man named Brenton came in and taught us the many different biblical ways of worship. At the end of his talk he challenged us to look at the handout and try to engage a form of worship that we had never tried before.
My immediate response was to shut down and refuse to participate. I went home that night and read John 6:16-21 (read it right now if you can). It is the infamous story of Jesus walking on water. I have read this story probably 3,000,000,000,000,000 but this time it was different. Two things stuck out to me:
1.) The disciples were afraid. I love this!!!! The disciples didn't have it all together. they didn't automatically accept the things that Jesus was doing. Jesus walking on water scared them. This encouraged me. I related it to my struggles with worship. When people yell in worship or dance and do all those crazy things it scares me. I feel fear but so did the disciples.
2.) Jesus SAW their fear and simply responded saying "It is I. Do not be afraid." He didn't condemn them, he consoled them. I feel like Jesus is the same way with me and my fears. He sees that I am afraid and it doesn't upset Him.
So after this revelation, I decided I would pick the thing on the list that scares me the most -- shouting in worship. The worship form Shabach is found in the Bible. Shabach means to praise the Lord with a shout and a loud voice. I spent several hours asking the Lord if this was of Him or not and came to the conclusion that it was.
The next day during worship I praised God using Shabach. It was a breakthrough for me. After all these years being bound by religion I felt so free to worship the Lord. I Shouted thanks to the Lord and i will never be the same. At the end of the day, worship is about the Lord. It is not about pleasing man or fulfilling some selfish need; it is about giving the Lord what is rightfully his.
I urge you brothers and sisters praise God without restraint for in this you will find freedom at last.
Lots of Love
Katy
"Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall shabach thee." Psalm 63:3
Recently I have experienced incredible break through in worship. As many of you know I was raised Lutheran. This means that, for me, worship entailed sitting in pews (never the front row) and singing from a hymnal while the organ and handbells guided us along. There was no raising of the hands, crying out to god, praying to god in groups, etc. Am I right?
Recently, I have learned some new things about worship through Discipleship school. There is a difference between worship and praise. Praise is upwards facing, adoration of God, and a celebration. Worship is downward, reverent, and submission to God. I think that my Lutheran upbringing taught me how to worship. They taught me the value in being reverent and submissive to God our heavenly father. I am so thankful for this.
However, like many I found myself caught up in religion. I was a slave to my church. I placed my identity in religion not my heavenly father. During D-school a young man named Brenton came in and taught us the many different biblical ways of worship. At the end of his talk he challenged us to look at the handout and try to engage a form of worship that we had never tried before.
My immediate response was to shut down and refuse to participate. I went home that night and read John 6:16-21 (read it right now if you can). It is the infamous story of Jesus walking on water. I have read this story probably 3,000,000,000,000,000 but this time it was different. Two things stuck out to me:
1.) The disciples were afraid. I love this!!!! The disciples didn't have it all together. they didn't automatically accept the things that Jesus was doing. Jesus walking on water scared them. This encouraged me. I related it to my struggles with worship. When people yell in worship or dance and do all those crazy things it scares me. I feel fear but so did the disciples.
2.) Jesus SAW their fear and simply responded saying "It is I. Do not be afraid." He didn't condemn them, he consoled them. I feel like Jesus is the same way with me and my fears. He sees that I am afraid and it doesn't upset Him.
So after this revelation, I decided I would pick the thing on the list that scares me the most -- shouting in worship. The worship form Shabach is found in the Bible. Shabach means to praise the Lord with a shout and a loud voice. I spent several hours asking the Lord if this was of Him or not and came to the conclusion that it was.
The next day during worship I praised God using Shabach. It was a breakthrough for me. After all these years being bound by religion I felt so free to worship the Lord. I Shouted thanks to the Lord and i will never be the same. At the end of the day, worship is about the Lord. It is not about pleasing man or fulfilling some selfish need; it is about giving the Lord what is rightfully his.
I urge you brothers and sisters praise God without restraint for in this you will find freedom at last.
Lots of Love
Katy
"Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall shabach thee." Psalm 63:3
Thursday, June 2, 2011
The Beautiful thing about Suffering ...
Recently I have begun Discipleship school with my church here in abilene. I have only had three days of classes but already the Lord is rocking my world.
For the past two years I have been walking through a very lonely and broken place. I have been struggling with feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I am not going to go into details but basically I have had a rough journey; however the Lord is good and has given me so much revelation.
The reality is that God promises not to give us more than we can handle. In my darkest moments I remember crying out to God thinking I couldnt handle anymore and then something else terrible would happen. I used to look at this endless cycle of hardship with confusion and frustration. I was angry with God and yet I continued to faithfully follow him.
I realized this, the most beautiful places are the broken ones. I am thankful that God is continually breaking my heart. All of this brokenness means that God sees strength in me. I have decided to be honored with suffering because it only makes me stronger. God called Job his faithful servant. My story reminds me of Jobs story. I want to be a faithful servant.
In my c3:16 group one of the men was talking about going in to war and how we wouldn't want to enter a war with a pillow for our weapon. Instead, we want a sharp sword. The dark troubling times is when your sword gets sharpened. If I constantly lived on a glorious sunny mountain top with god my weapon would be a soft as a fluffy feather pillow. I am walking through the darkest slums rubbing my sword up against rocks so that i might be prepared for future battle.
Thank you father for my brokenness. You have shown me how strong I am. I am thankful you would trust me to walk through so much darkness and still chase after your light. You are perfect, beautiful, and everything I need in this world.
Lots of Love
Katy
For the past two years I have been walking through a very lonely and broken place. I have been struggling with feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I am not going to go into details but basically I have had a rough journey; however the Lord is good and has given me so much revelation.
The reality is that God promises not to give us more than we can handle. In my darkest moments I remember crying out to God thinking I couldnt handle anymore and then something else terrible would happen. I used to look at this endless cycle of hardship with confusion and frustration. I was angry with God and yet I continued to faithfully follow him.
I realized this, the most beautiful places are the broken ones. I am thankful that God is continually breaking my heart. All of this brokenness means that God sees strength in me. I have decided to be honored with suffering because it only makes me stronger. God called Job his faithful servant. My story reminds me of Jobs story. I want to be a faithful servant.
In my c3:16 group one of the men was talking about going in to war and how we wouldn't want to enter a war with a pillow for our weapon. Instead, we want a sharp sword. The dark troubling times is when your sword gets sharpened. If I constantly lived on a glorious sunny mountain top with god my weapon would be a soft as a fluffy feather pillow. I am walking through the darkest slums rubbing my sword up against rocks so that i might be prepared for future battle.
Thank you father for my brokenness. You have shown me how strong I am. I am thankful you would trust me to walk through so much darkness and still chase after your light. You are perfect, beautiful, and everything I need in this world.
Lots of Love
Katy
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